"To understand the world, you must first understand a place like Mississippi."

William Faulkner said that, and no truer words have been spoke.  I took a plane down to Mississippi, the glorious place of my birth.  I don't remember much about living there, but my parents always talk about how great it is and I have nightmares about people telling me to spell M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i when I was like a fetus.  I visited a friend of mine named Steve Evans from college.  Steve worked for Teach for America in the Mississippi delta, where he met his fiance Wendy.  Wendy is a local news anchor in Jackson, where they currently live.  So, basically, I was hanging out with a local celebrity and a fellow teacher.  Who wouldn't go to Mississippi?  So, what did we do?  We bowled - I got a 176.  Beat dat!

I also dragged Steve and Windy around Jackson to some of my parents favorite eateries and stomping grounds.  Below are 2 places we lived in.  The first is a duplex.  Wendy said that 20 years ago, this was THE PLACE to live in Jackson.  Then it flooded and now it's not such a nice area.  We were shooed away by an old woman in said duplex.  I tried to tell her my connection but she wasn't having it.  We quickly drove to the house I essentially grew up in.  It's a nice ranch style.  I wasn't sure this was actually the house I remembered but my parents confirmed that it was.  I now know I will never be a real estate magazine writer because I am blanking on anything relevant to say about these properties.

Finally, we took a trip out to the Mississippi delta.  Wow.  Below is what I saw for about 100 straight, flat miles.  Corn.  Soybean.  Catfish farms.  That is it.  

Anyway, we drove around Greenville and met up with some Teach for America fellows.  What do you do after that?  You find train tracks and walk.  This is what we did.  I took a few pics of Steve and his dog Jack.  We found some old box cars in the middle of...what?  A corn field.  If you put these pictures in black and white, I'm sure they would be considered artsy.

To complete our man-date, Steve took some pictures of me.  I obviously want to be in this 100+ degree humidity.

Anyway, I completed my tour of Amrrrrica by taking an overnight Greyhound from Jackson to Charlotte.  I have now found the scariest place on earth - Jackson, Mississippi at 10:45 at night.  I actually had my own set of Greyhound attendance bodyguards.  Nonetheless, after going through Meridian, Birmingham, Hotlanta, Greenville, Spartanburg, and Gastonia, 13 hours later I made it to Charlotte.  It was there that I blinked for the first time, took my first gasp of air, and unclenched my kung-fu grip on my possessions.  Anyway, the trip is over, but hopefully the blog is not.  I'm going to Mexico (tough summer!) next week so I'll probably have some other pictures up.  

Loving Chicago is like loving a woman with a broken nose.

I read that quote somewhere in Chicago.  There is no punchline, so figure out that for yourself.

So, I visited my friend Dr. John Cull for a week in Chicago.  And, by visit Dr. Cull, I mean stay at his place, eat all of his food (ok, he had no food in his fridge, only an endless supply of soda), and never actually see him.  John is in his first year of residency, so he worked the ENTIRE time I was in Chicago.  I saw him briefly for drinks and dinner.  Our 2 hour jaunt was, for John,  "the most I've gone out in Chicago in two months."  Glad to be of service.  One morning, John came home after a 30 hour shift so tired that he could barely walk.  This, in my opinion, is a safe way to run a hospital.

That being said, Chicago was an amazing city.  I didn't take that many pictures, but by the looks of it, I was obviously impressed with the height of some of the buildings.  

This is me doing the "take a picture of myself" (which I've perfected) on the Navy Pier.  This "Pier" (with no boats) was the tourist trap from hell.  Still love Chi-town, though.

On the last day in Chicago, I chilled on the beaches of Lake Michigan.  Who knew the midwest had beaches?  Nonetheless, if my nation-wide trip has taught me anything, it is I need to be near a beach.  I've spent most of my free time sitting on the beach and loved every minute of it.

Pregnant Man #2 never makes the headlines...

OK, so I haven't posted anything about my trip in a while, so I'm just going to post a few photos all at once.  No internet sort of ruins the point of a blog I suppose.  Anyway, the first photo is of me after eating a Chicago Deep Dish Pizza (in St. Louis?).  It is my food baby (unnamed).  It is not photoshopped and yes, I risk future political ridicule later in life.  

This photo is of Mary (my cousin Laura's friend) and me at a bbq.  Apparently, I only wore 2 shirts this entire trip.  Also, the other one is me painting her butt with a bbq brush.  We were not drinking.

This is me and the ladies after the Cardinals game.  They won in the bottom of the 9th with a grandslam.  

We also went to a free OAR concert downtown.  I caught up on my OAR beforehand and knew 3 songs total.  Felt like I was in college again.  Oh, and this are 2 chicks hanging all over me, just like in college.

We also went to the Anheuser-Busch brewery.  This is a fantastic brewery because it a. is FREE and b. offers 2 drinks at the end of the tour.  No, they did not have Blue Moon.  I obviously did not know the free drinks were coming by the look of my expression there.  

One night, we went out to a girl's mock bachelorette party.  She had a myspace stalker so decided to tell the dude she was engaged.  She had a ring, tiara, and everything necessary to be a bride.  It was at a bar in East St. Louis called Big Country.  I wont say much about this place except they had a stripper pole in the middle of the dance floor, which resembled a roller-skating ring.  

This is a picture of me after the mock bachelorette party.  Thank you blueberry ring pop.

Finally, this is my first of many model poses.  Stunning.

One night, I prayed, and a kitten came out of the wall. And the another. And another.

If this story isn't proof that God exists, I don't know what is.  So, the house I'm staying in in St. Louis is a fine, second story apartment.  In it lives two girls, two dogs, two chinchilas, and one cat.  Two of every other animal on Noah's apartment, and one cat.  Obviously the someone was looking down on this house because Friday morning, we were disturbed by noises in the wall of the hallway.  A hole was made in the wall and two kittens popped out!  Unfortunately, there were some casualties, but it was still pretty incredible.  They were taken to the humane society, named Wall-ee, and Ramona.  Don't know why Ramona but you get the Wall-ee.    

Anyway, morning #2...we found another kitten!  The only thing better would be finding money or a pony in these walls.  Anyway, this kitten, pictured, was named Jamie Lee Curtis because we didn't know if it was a boy or girl.  Also, it looked a little scraggly.

After one morning of not waking up to kittens in walls, I decided to pray last night.  I got on my knees, crossed my hands, and obviously said something pretty good.  This morning, I woke up to another kitten call.  In fact, I don't think I can possibly wake up without kittens in walls at this point.  The kitten curse!  Nooooo!   Chicago has to have stray cats...

You can find me in St. Louis rollin' on dubs, smokin' on dubs in clubs blowin' up like cocoa puffs.

So, I didn't see Nelly nor did I learn the mid-west swang, but I have had a wonderful time in the 'Lou.  I visited my cousin Laura over the past four days and have had a wonderful time.  Thanks to her friends Lindsey and Mary who have, without knowing me, allowed me to take over their living room.  I'm going about 3 weeks straight of sleeping on a couch, and my back hasn't felt better!

So, one of the many activities I participated in was going to an OAR concert with the 3 ladies pictured above.  It was in downtown St. Louis and it was awesome!  The beer flowed, the fireworks rang, and I actually knew a few of the songs they sang.  

We also did a lot of the typical touristy things while I was there.  My cousin Laura hooked me up!  We first went to the famous Arch.  This gateway to the west of freaking massive.  We took a pod to the top.  These pods, pictured below, are unneccesarily small.  I got to know my friends Mary and Lindsey all too well in the 4 minutes ride to the top.  Then, my extreme fear of heights kicked in.  You get some great views of the city but my vertigo kicked in so it was nice to get down.  

Then, we hit up the Anheiser-Busch Brewery.  Awesome.  I saw Clydesdales.  I drank free beer.  I saw an assembly line that packs 1930 cans of beer a minute.   There is nothing more I needed that day.

Other than that, I hit up a few restaurants and bars in St. Louis.  Today, we went to the Cardinals-Padres game.  I'll get some pictures taken by my cousin later.  Great game, though - walk-off grandslam to win in the 9th.  Anyway, off to Chicago tomorrow via train.  I've taken most every form of transportation on this trip - except train.  It's a 5 hour and 40 minute trip but it should be ok.  Until then, time to work on my mid-western drawl...

LA - Land o Strip Mall and Hot Babes.

One thing about being a jet-setter is that you have to make sacrifices.  Sort of like Jesus Christ or Mother Theresa.  Yes, I'm on there level now.  My sacrifice today was getting up at 3 am to drive to LAX (yes, LA still has traffic at 3 am), drop off my rental car (PT Cruiser, I will never buy you because you look like a herse), deal with "Deluxe" rental car dude (always an adventure), and check in.  I almost set off an international security alert because my 30SPF suntan lotion.  I was sort of surprised the TSA folk were even awake to catch it - I sure wasn't at that hour.  That being said, I now have about an hour and a half to chill.  I guess, if anything, I've learned to be efficient in my jet-setting ways.  Anyway, you know you are up early when the Starbucks is closed.  One thing I haven't perfected is the sit-up-straddle-two-seats-try-to-get-some-type-of-sleep-in-an-airport routine.  A jet-setter needs to learn how to do this.

Sorry there have been no posts of my adventures.  Over the past 2 days, I had the pleasure  of being chaperogned by my study-abroad pal, Celine.  Celine, like the contact solution, has a much more interesting job that includes hanging out with her boss, Ashton Kutcher.  That's right.  This is why I picked her, out of the plethora of people I know in LA, to show me around and crash, for free, on her couch.  Mostly, I chilled on the beaches of Malibu and Venice.  I thought I deserved a little relaxation.  At night, Celine drove me around town.  LA is a weird place that slightly resembles one big parking garage/strip mall.  And, oh yeah, some really nice cars/rich people/beautiful people thrown in the mix.  I don't think I could ever live there, but walking down the walk of fame, seeing the Hollywood sign, and eating unbelievable Mexican food were some definite redeeming qualities.  Oh, we also walked up Runyon Canyon on Wednesday morning, where I got to see about a million dogs and a great view of this smog-filled city.  It was magical.  I shed half a tear.

Where I could live would be Malibu.  Unfortunately, my teaching career (which allowed me the time to travel to Malibu) is a financial hurdle to actually becoming a resident there.  Sigh.  You can't have everything, I want it!  And, where I should have gone to school was Pepperdine University.  Wow.   The houses out there are incredible, the beaches are clean, and I swear that university is sitting right on the water.  Judging by how little work I did at Wake Forest with very few environmental distractions, it's probably for the best I didn't find out about Pepperdine until now.  Nonetheless, a lot of my pictures are of the Pacific Coast Highway, the Santa Monica Mountains, and some kite-sailors.

Anyway, I only have a little over an hour to perfect my power-nap.  Is it accepted to lie on the floor?  I'm off to St. Louis now to perfect my Midwest swang.  I think if I said that there, people might beat me up.  Now that Budweiser is bought out, I have no idea what beer I have allegiances to as an Amrrrrican.  Pabst Blue Ribbon it is for the next few days.  This is a good thing.

What did the brown chicken and the brown cow sound like when they were making love in a barn?

Brown-chicken broooown-cow.   That's the funniest joke I heard all weekend.  In order to really get it, you have to say the phrase with a sort of tonal change that I unfortunately cannot represent through this blog.  You either got it or you didn't.  Say bow-chica-bow-wow.  Get it?  Anyway, I think my friend Will told that joke about 87 times this weekend, give or take.  I laughed about 86 times.  And, that may sound like I had a slow weekend, but I assure you, I did not.  I played wiffle ball and frisbee in view of the Golden Gate Bridge.  Beat that!

So, I'm sitting in San Francisco International Airport right now about to fly down to Los Angeles.  I haven't heard one good thing about the City of Angels, so I'm wondering my decision to even go down there.  That being said, it has to be warmer than San Fran.  Yesterday, I took the Coastal Trail Hike around the Presidio and took an obscene number of photos of the Golden Gate Bridge.  That being said, it was about 50 degrees and foggy.  So, most of my pictures are of fog.  Also, I posted the one attempt I had at taking a picture with my camera timer.  That's the one of the picture of my arm.  And, yes, I do have a sexy arm.  Though, I've noticed that taking pictures of yourself is a talent that I do not have and that is most certainly needed when traveling alone.  The picture below is of my head, and is the best of about 10 of the exact same picture.

Also, who knew Land's End was not just a catalogue where I bought most of my clothes until the age of 15?  It also boasts great views of the Bay!!!  

And, to make this post that much more odd, I took a picture of the fortune cookie that I got.  OK, so the other picture is of the 100 or so fortune cookies that will keeps at his house, so this is hardly the only fortune I received in San Francisco.  So, here I go to LA...to find myself.  This may be a bad thing...

"The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco."

Mark Twain, no words are more true my good man.  Though a balmy 75 degrees today, coming from the humidity-filled, sweat-soaked 95 degree temps of the swamp that is Washington, D.C., I'm still getting used to how cold it is here.  That being said, yesterday I took a boat over to Angel Island, the so-called Ellis Island of the west coast.  I kid you not, it was about 40 degrees on the bay...and people were sailing!  I couldn't believe it.  The great part was the immigration station (the main attraction, err...only attraction on the island) was closed.  So, I decided to rent a bike and trek the 6 miles around the island.  They were closed.  So, I decided to hike to the island's summit, Mt. Livermore.  And by mountain, they really mean hill.  But, there were great views and I took it upon myself to take pictures of myself, for your viewing pleasure, obviously.  Sort of hard to take pictures of yourself when you're alone on the top of a mountain, but I tried!  

And, the other pictures I took yesterday were generally random things I saw in San Francisco, which may be the weirdest people watching city on the planet.  I've been to Frisco before, so I decided I'm not going to relive those tourist things again.  I saw a bar called Ho's.  Took a picture of that.  I kid you not there was a massage parlor above it.  And, no, I did not visit either.  The other event I took a picture of was these two dudes in a park.  I spent about an hour eating pizza and watching these Rastafarian-looking guys do thai chi or martial artsy things on a basketball court.  At one point, they had samari swords and were "play fighting."  They did not mind that I played paparazzi because they kept doing what they were doing.  I did find it interesting that a guy who lives out of a shopping cart had 2 massive swords with him.  

The last picture I took was the gas prices.  Glad I'm not driving.