Chillaxing ginormously in Cozumel.

I hate combining words like giant and enormous.  Cozumel was neither, but it is the biggest island in Mexico.  Honestly, this was my favorite part the Yucitan excursion.  We rode on a ferry into a port.  From there, we took some scooters around the island to various bars and beaches.  From what I understand, that is all that exists on this island - bars and beaches.

This is me and Evin...I mean Evin and I...on the southern point (Punta...which I thought was a dirty word...sur) of Cozumel.  The funny part of this is the "do not stand on the Punta Sur" sign that exists just below the picture, which was edited out.

These are our scooters.  Evin rode the green one.  I drove the red one while Marc rode, no homo.  I can honestly say that the first hour or so riding this scooter was the most dangerous and scary activity I have ever participated in.  The flemsy helmets that rationed to us would not break the 100 mile and hour fall that would have ensued on the highway I was driving on.  We should have died.

This is another Marc model pose, with Jesus, the newly named puppy, after the waiter at the Italian restaurant who unloaded tequila shots on us, leading to stealing a golf cart.

That's me.  Good god my butt looks toned.

This is the funniest sign I saw in Mexico.  When I own a bar, there will be at least 10 at the bar.  "Bad tippers burn in hell."  Harsh, but effective.

This is one of the many random places to drink on a remote beach.  This is a theme in Mexico.  Hell, this is a theme in every other country in the world except for the United States.

Evin.  Stud.  God of Caribbean.  

Jamaican-me-crazy!  No, we didn't jump the shore.  This was a Jamaican bar.  This is actually where Bob Marley is still alive.  Also Elvis, Tupac, and a really wrinkly Emelia Earhardt are working the bar.  Tip this or you're going to hell!  This is also where every stray dog in the world comes to hibernate.  They're all so cute, though!

This is Cozumel's newly named "Muscle Beach."

Marc Knox.- a self-montage

So, while looking through my pictures of sites like Cozumel, Tulum, Playa del Carmen, and other Mexican places on my camera, I noticed, hidden between photos, my roommate Marc.  At various locations, he decided to take self-photos.  The top one is cool, pensive Marc.

This is bad-ass Marc.

This is squinty-Marc.

This is who, me? Marc.

This is crrrrrrazy Marc.  I hope he enjoys me posting these pictures.

The Mayans - a people who believe we're going to die in 4 years.

Even with unlimited food, beverages, and topless babes (I love European culture!), we were tempted at some culture outside of the luxury and comforts of our resort gates.  Little did we know that not everything is "free" in Mexico.  With our trusty safari mobile (a dodge something-or-other that I broke a front hubcap off the second day), we trekked down to Tulum, an ancient Mayan fort about an hour south of our utopian, semi-nude society.  Even while writing this post, I still wonder at my reasonings for leaving the wonders of our resort.   Anyway, the fort was awesome.  It's apparently smaller than the more famous Chi-chineza, but mostly because we went to the closer fort, I think we lucked out.  Other than also being a massive fort establishment, it was on the water!  Right on the coast.  If I was a Mayan, I would have been chilling by the beach all day, even as the Spaniards pillaged.  

Above are two photos.  One could be on the cover of Playgirl (though, I read it recently went out of circulation), but it's actually Evin and I having man-time in the water off the coast of Tulum.  I'm the sketchy uni-bomber dude showing off my beer and whiskey sculpted body.  As you can see, the water in the Caribbean is a little clearer than the Potomac River.  That being said, nothing beats the majestic glow and undeniable clarity of the Anacostia River.  How I miss thee...

And, here's some more coast/Evin modeling pictures.  I could live there.

Here's Marc and Evin chilling in front of a Mayan temple.  My one problem with the entire fort was the lack of human sacrifice sites.  That's all I've ever read about.  Kill this person(s) for some god for some purpose.  Nope.  Only beaches and rocks at this fort.

And here comes the proverbial phallic structure in every town in the world.  I'm not sure what this long blue thing represents, but I quickly noticed the five gentlemen at the top.  And, unlike most places, these gentlemen were alive.  I was thinking I might be witnessing some sort of human sacrifice, but they were too joyous and musically inclined to be awaiting death.  They had local instruments and played for the entire time we were in Tulum, in full dress and in 100 degree heat.  Maybe these dudes were gods themselves?  

Anyway, Tulum was a great excursion from our resort.  Even while taking these photos, though, I yearned for free drinks and food.  And sunbathers.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

And, yes, Mexicans do drink tequila.  Regularly.  It's like their end of meal/wake-up in the morning/because why not?/my friend is visiting/make me dance better/put me to sleep elixir.  Welcome to the Yucatan Peninsula!  We had a shot of tequila in the first 10 minutes of getting there!  My roommates and I flew into Cancun last week for a few days of relaxation.  Now, I know what you are thinking -- Matt, you haven't worked in like two months.  Yes, this is a true statement.  But, I didn't have a beach vacation.  I needed to get tanned (burned), swim in some pee-warm water, and catch up on my Espanol.  So, off we went.  We flew into Cancun but, because we're snobs, we rented a car and drove about 45 minutes south to Playa del Carmen, which is apparently much more European.  Our resort, the Blue Bay, was all inclusive...even the tequila.  Yes, this did mean trouble.

Anyway, Evin, Marc, and I mostly chilled on the beach, had servants fetch us drinks, and played frizbee in the Caribbean.  I don't think Europeans play frizbee, or for that matter do much more than sleep and drink, so we were easily the most active and obnoxious.  Damn Americans.  Nonetheless, we did take some out of town trips to Tulum, into the town of Playa del Carmen, and Cozumel.  We took a ferry to the biggest island in Mexico (Cozumel) and that's where I we saw this Mexican flag.  It's like those flags that are at car dealerships, but it was Mexican, and bigger.  That being said, I thought about stealing it.  Not going to lie.  Also, in Cozumel (which I'll post more about later), we came across a a puppy at a bar on the beach.  I didn't name the pup, though I'm up for suggestions.  He loved me, and I assume I now have some type of ringworm-rabies hybrid from this stray beast, but I loved him back just the same.  You know he wanted that Dos Equis in my hand.  And, again, I thought about stealing it.

Anyway, like I said, our resort was all inclusive.  The Blue Bay staff was ridiculously nice, and none of us really figured out why, given that they almost shunned tips.  Whilst at the resort, we had our selection of bars and buffets.  I tried not to get used to the idea of eating and drinking my face off for free.  About an hour in, I got used to it.  At night, we made reservations at a more traditional sit-down meal.  This was sort of like the buffet, but they brought you food instead.  They had a selection of restaurants to make reservations at, such as Seafood, Italian, French, Mexican (obviously), and Oriental.  I'm not going to lie, I started saying Oriental while I was there, which I apologize to my millions of Asian readers.  I liked these restaurants, besides the long-pants dress code...seriously?  It must have been 2000 degrees.

Anyway, in between these lovely photos of beer, sandals, and beer landscapes, I thought I'd share you a story of what happens when you sit on the beach, drink all day, and don't go to sleep when it is so blatantly obvious you should.  So, Evin, Marc, and I go out to eat at the Italian restaurant.  We have definitely thrown a few back that day and get to our reservation late.  We are so late that at the end of the night, there is no one else at the restaurant.  I had this salmon concoction that was to die for.  But, our waiter, Jesus (and, yes, we obnoxiously yelled his name in vain like fifteen times) was cool, gave us some extra pizza and brought over the entire buffet of alcohol from the bar for after dinner drinks.  After a lot of pushing, shoving, and yelling, we each had 4 shots of tequila, with Evin taking some whiskey and I halfway downing some Sambuka.  Mixed with the beer and mixed drinks during the day and the wine at dinner, I think I pretty much had every type of alcohol in my body at this point.  Hioo!  So we leave the restaurant, go to the 24 hour all-inclusive sports bar (swell idea), and have a few more!  Woo!

Long story short, somewhere between our room, swimming in the ocean, back to the bar, I think a fight or something in there, I decide that I'm going to steal a golf cart.  I blame Evin because he got it to start, sort of, but we ended up taking it half-way around the resort.  Ha.  I think I tried to pick up some people but Evin said we yelled expletives in their direction instead.  Nonetheless, I considered it a success that we didn't die or have the golf cart go into the pool.  Though, I made up for it by gently tossing a chair in a pool later on.  I am 26 years old.  A teacher.  A responsible teacher.

Anyway, Mexico was amazing and I'm going to post some more pictures later of Tulum and Cozumel.  Not all was drunken, just most.  The problem is that coming back from Mexico signified my return to the working world.  And, I now have to pay for food and drinks.  At least I have a tan.

"To understand the world, you must first understand a place like Mississippi."

William Faulkner said that, and no truer words have been spoke.  I took a plane down to Mississippi, the glorious place of my birth.  I don't remember much about living there, but my parents always talk about how great it is and I have nightmares about people telling me to spell M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i when I was like a fetus.  I visited a friend of mine named Steve Evans from college.  Steve worked for Teach for America in the Mississippi delta, where he met his fiance Wendy.  Wendy is a local news anchor in Jackson, where they currently live.  So, basically, I was hanging out with a local celebrity and a fellow teacher.  Who wouldn't go to Mississippi?  So, what did we do?  We bowled - I got a 176.  Beat dat!

I also dragged Steve and Windy around Jackson to some of my parents favorite eateries and stomping grounds.  Below are 2 places we lived in.  The first is a duplex.  Wendy said that 20 years ago, this was THE PLACE to live in Jackson.  Then it flooded and now it's not such a nice area.  We were shooed away by an old woman in said duplex.  I tried to tell her my connection but she wasn't having it.  We quickly drove to the house I essentially grew up in.  It's a nice ranch style.  I wasn't sure this was actually the house I remembered but my parents confirmed that it was.  I now know I will never be a real estate magazine writer because I am blanking on anything relevant to say about these properties.

Finally, we took a trip out to the Mississippi delta.  Wow.  Below is what I saw for about 100 straight, flat miles.  Corn.  Soybean.  Catfish farms.  That is it.  

Anyway, we drove around Greenville and met up with some Teach for America fellows.  What do you do after that?  You find train tracks and walk.  This is what we did.  I took a few pics of Steve and his dog Jack.  We found some old box cars in the middle of...what?  A corn field.  If you put these pictures in black and white, I'm sure they would be considered artsy.

To complete our man-date, Steve took some pictures of me.  I obviously want to be in this 100+ degree humidity.

Anyway, I completed my tour of Amrrrrica by taking an overnight Greyhound from Jackson to Charlotte.  I have now found the scariest place on earth - Jackson, Mississippi at 10:45 at night.  I actually had my own set of Greyhound attendance bodyguards.  Nonetheless, after going through Meridian, Birmingham, Hotlanta, Greenville, Spartanburg, and Gastonia, 13 hours later I made it to Charlotte.  It was there that I blinked for the first time, took my first gasp of air, and unclenched my kung-fu grip on my possessions.  Anyway, the trip is over, but hopefully the blog is not.  I'm going to Mexico (tough summer!) next week so I'll probably have some other pictures up.  

Loving Chicago is like loving a woman with a broken nose.

I read that quote somewhere in Chicago.  There is no punchline, so figure out that for yourself.

So, I visited my friend Dr. John Cull for a week in Chicago.  And, by visit Dr. Cull, I mean stay at his place, eat all of his food (ok, he had no food in his fridge, only an endless supply of soda), and never actually see him.  John is in his first year of residency, so he worked the ENTIRE time I was in Chicago.  I saw him briefly for drinks and dinner.  Our 2 hour jaunt was, for John,  "the most I've gone out in Chicago in two months."  Glad to be of service.  One morning, John came home after a 30 hour shift so tired that he could barely walk.  This, in my opinion, is a safe way to run a hospital.

That being said, Chicago was an amazing city.  I didn't take that many pictures, but by the looks of it, I was obviously impressed with the height of some of the buildings.  

This is me doing the "take a picture of myself" (which I've perfected) on the Navy Pier.  This "Pier" (with no boats) was the tourist trap from hell.  Still love Chi-town, though.

On the last day in Chicago, I chilled on the beaches of Lake Michigan.  Who knew the midwest had beaches?  Nonetheless, if my nation-wide trip has taught me anything, it is I need to be near a beach.  I've spent most of my free time sitting on the beach and loved every minute of it.

Pregnant Man #2 never makes the headlines...

OK, so I haven't posted anything about my trip in a while, so I'm just going to post a few photos all at once.  No internet sort of ruins the point of a blog I suppose.  Anyway, the first photo is of me after eating a Chicago Deep Dish Pizza (in St. Louis?).  It is my food baby (unnamed).  It is not photoshopped and yes, I risk future political ridicule later in life.  

This photo is of Mary (my cousin Laura's friend) and me at a bbq.  Apparently, I only wore 2 shirts this entire trip.  Also, the other one is me painting her butt with a bbq brush.  We were not drinking.

This is me and the ladies after the Cardinals game.  They won in the bottom of the 9th with a grandslam.  

We also went to a free OAR concert downtown.  I caught up on my OAR beforehand and knew 3 songs total.  Felt like I was in college again.  Oh, and this are 2 chicks hanging all over me, just like in college.

We also went to the Anheuser-Busch brewery.  This is a fantastic brewery because it a. is FREE and b. offers 2 drinks at the end of the tour.  No, they did not have Blue Moon.  I obviously did not know the free drinks were coming by the look of my expression there.  

One night, we went out to a girl's mock bachelorette party.  She had a myspace stalker so decided to tell the dude she was engaged.  She had a ring, tiara, and everything necessary to be a bride.  It was at a bar in East St. Louis called Big Country.  I wont say much about this place except they had a stripper pole in the middle of the dance floor, which resembled a roller-skating ring.  

This is a picture of me after the mock bachelorette party.  Thank you blueberry ring pop.

Finally, this is my first of many model poses.  Stunning.